I’m a’leavin tomorrow.

But I could leave today.

Or I could have left last week.  Or the week before that.

Escaping from New York is proving to be more difficult than getting here was.  So far no mutated Manhattanites have come out of the subways to kill us before we can speed away, but if it happens, I won’t be surprised.

I know, I know.  What the hell am I talking about?  I’m moving back to Albuquerque.  Repress your shock.  It’s something that has been on my mind as a possibility since I got here, when things started spiraling into a place I didn’t want to be, but I didn’t decide officially until two weeks ago.

Sometimes a venture is doomed from the beginning, but you don’t find out about it until the doom catches up with you.

The details aren’t important.

What is important is that I’m a pretty big fatalist, and instead of seeing this as a failure, I’m seeing it for what it is.  For what all things are.  They just are.  They happen as they happen and as they’re meant to happen.  And looking back, this wasn’t going to happen any other way.  So, I’m keeping the regrets at bay.

What is important is that I’ve realized it’s not the city’s fault.  It’s just not the time for me to be here.  Any of you creative types reading this, hit me up in a few years so that we can rent a warehouse loft in Brooklyn and take over the world.

What is important is that when I left Albuquerque, for the first time I felt like I had made a place for myself there, and I was sad to leave.  So, as much as I will miss some of the things here, I’m looking forward to going home.  If for nothing else than the green chile.  That was harder to give up than I thought it would be.  And of course, there are marvelous people that I can’t wait to get back to.

I came out here, in large part, to write, to gain perspective and material.  I have a lot more material than I can process yet, and the perspective hasn’t all been sorted out, but I plan on making good use of those soon.

For those of you that know me well, you know the details anyway.  This is just a heads up for the rest of you and a proper goodbye to New York.  Thank you, New York, for your green growing things and squirrels and rats, your ocean, for leading me to some pretty amazing people that I didn’t get a chance to know well enough, and of course, the opportunity to prove that I could leave home and survive.  After three new jobs in three months, I discovered that I could indeed make rent.  If I could do all of this, I can do anything.  I have about ten years on me, about about ten pounds less, three days on the road, and then we’ll see what I am when I’m home.

Don’t know what will happen to this blog.  It will need a name change.  And it will be harder to come up with ground breaking news to write about in a town where most of my friends live.  But we’ll see.

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~ by fancydelic on April 25, 2010.